Q & A | Dallas Intimate Woman Photographer

Posted on June 5, 2009

Sarah,
Any tips on how to convince my wife that this kind of photo shoot would be good for both of us? She looks great, but she lacks confidence.

Joe

Hi Joe!

This is a question I get asked a lot. The husband would love for his wife to do this, but either doesn’t know how to ask or has asked and she’s said no because of her insecurities of her body. I’d like to answer this in two parts, first, since my audience is mostly female, I want to answer this to all the women who have been thinking about boudoir photography. Maybe secretly fantasizing about having a shoot done, but for whatever reason have not. Then, Joe, I’ll get to you.

Men are very visual creatures. They notice things without noticing that they’ve noticed. A former boss of mine – very happily married and head over heels in love with his wife – mentioned to me that he can walk into any room and will instantly be aware of who is female in the store. If a magazine has an attractive or suggestive image on it, he will notice it. It’s just part of what makes our men … men.

The advertising industry knows this. They count on it. And while it certainly annoys most of us women to feel that we’re bombarded with images of women we feel unable to compete with, it works. We still (for the most part) buy those products which convince us that some how we will be sexier or more attractive if we use their push up bra or eat their yogurt brand.

The catch is, those women we see in those ads have had hours of work done to them. They’ve had professional make-up applied. Professional hair styling. They’ve worked with professional stylists to pick out specific clothing to match their body type and a photographer or videographer who is a master of his or her craft and knows how to light a subject to minimize any wrinkles or make someone appear slimmer. Sometimes they’ve even had those rock hard abs and muscles PAINTED on them.

It’s not real. It’s all a show of smoke and mirrors (and good lighting). Those images we see which we subconsciously compare ourselves to when we look into the bathroom mirror, which, by the way, bathrooms always seem to have the most unflattering light without fail, those images are in the back of our minds. And we zoom in on every possible flaw we THINK we have. But comparing our bodies to those images is just long comparing ourselves to an anime cartoon.

Boudoir is such a passion of mine for so many reasons. The largest is that boudoir is EMPOWERING for women. Nothing is better than having confidence in yourself. In believing that you look amazing, that you are hot, that you don’t HAVE to look like anyone else because you are sexy and attractive and good looking just being you. Boudoir is about celebration of being a woman. About focusing on all the amazing details that make you … you. Filtering out the noise and self distructive constraints of society which try to tell us what is or isn’t attrative.

Boudoir is about finally seeing the beauty in you. The beauty that we all are already able to see. It’s about getting your swagger back again because now you know you’ve got it going on. It’s about telling all those ad agencies that you don’t need their creams or undies or 48 hour miracle diets. Because you can rock it in just a pair of black stillettoes.

And it’s about giving your lover, your best friend, your life long partner … a visual reminder of the amazing bombshell he is privledged to sleep next to every night. It’s being able to show him that you trust him that much, that you really can come before him naked, or at least in some skimpy lingerie, and give him a gift he is never going to forget! (I reccemend arranging a baby sitter for the night you give him your album if you have kids … you’ll likely need it.) During a time when stressors can cause your relationship to become strained, it’s a great way to step and and remind yourselves what a marraige is really all about and reignite that lusty passion between you two. Because there is no greater feeling than knowing your husband is ravenous for your lovin’ and just wants to drag you into the bedroom for the night.

Now Joe …

There is not a whole lot you can do to force your wife to do something she doesn’t want to do. Which I suspect you already know. However, if this is something you would really love for your wife to do, then I would suggest talking to her about having it be a whole day experience. Suggest a massage for her in the morning, then one of our hair & make-up stylists, and give her a credit to go off and pick out something new for the shoot. Remind her that she does NOT need to wear anything she’s not comfortable in. I have had a client bring her old prom dress before. You do not have to be nude to be sexy.  She should know this. She should know that YOU do not expect her to uncover anything that she’s uncomfortable showing. And of course I would never, ever pressure a client to take off anything she didn’t want to.

I also think it’s important to let your wife know that money is not an issue. By pre-paying her package/album for her she does not need to stress about how much this will cost. Just take money out of the equasion. Money is not sexy, and I hate talking about money during a session. She should know that you’ve got it taken care of so when she flips through the albums, she knows it’s already covered.

If all else fails. Suggest she talk to me. I do pre-session consultations. I’m available for wardrobe selection assistance. And I am always available for a phone call.

But, again, there is no forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do. It’s important to remember that, and to not make this type of thing a nagging issue between you two.

~ Sarah Anne